Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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