he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
