Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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