So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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