I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
