If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
