go do what you do best...puke behind churches
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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