I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
