Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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