wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
