You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
