My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
