i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
