I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
