I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
