so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
