he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
