he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
