the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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