My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
zippers are such a cool invention
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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