Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
