At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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