Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
