It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
