I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
