Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
