I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize