I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
