i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
