Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I've blown a few things in my day
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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