I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize