hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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