i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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