my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
