he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize