He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
