Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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