Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We don't watch enough power rangers
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
