Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize