Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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