why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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