ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
