i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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