dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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