i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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