I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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