She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
