he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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