guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I cockslap morals
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
