So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
