My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
