In the future we'll all be gay
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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