This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
