So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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