What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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