I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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