thus making me awesome and them whores
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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