Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
