He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
