Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
