First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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