Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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