I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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