just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
