i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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