Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
