I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
