she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
