i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize