He uses pillows to masturbate.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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