i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
