At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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