Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
