i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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