Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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