HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
