he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
