tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
