Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
