Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize