pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
