Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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