Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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