That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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