Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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