I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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