like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
