Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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