When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This is my gift to your gina
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
