I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
