He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
