That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
