This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
