I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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