my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
