I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
a search helicopter?!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
