I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
