Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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