My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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