I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
