Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
