Why are handjobs necessary in class?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
