apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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