I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
