I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
