Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
