i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
