Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
