Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
