just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
