Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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